"sometimes i wonder if i was born in the wrong era..."

I don't understand how I'm still alive. These past few hours/days/weeks have been a blur of stress and tears and non-gratifying effort. I honestly don't even care anymore. I feel like school just brings down my hopes, dreams, and clearly my happiness. No matter how hard I try, it'll never be enough. I overwork myself already, and I still get merely average. I don't know when the cycle of madness will end...but I'm honestly just giving life my all and hoping it will give me a break in return.


On another note:

Becoming Jane - Tom Lefroy.
The Red & The Black - Julien Sorrel.

That's literally all I have to say. These two main characters are my life right now. Becoming Jane came out in 2007 and I was so anxious to watch it when it came out on Rogers On Demand. I love all of Jane Austen's books and even Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte was fabulous. These books...they drive me nuts. I don't know how I wasn't born into this time. I would've loved to wear those big pouffy gowns with the umbrellas and the charming young men who yeah, might have bad intentions, but treat their ladies like queens. Wow. Dancing and nobility and *sighs*. I wish I could spend a day or two knowing exactly what the Eighteenth Century was all about. It just seems so fascinating. So Alive. Look what Comparitive Literature did to me...yet I still manage to pull off getting a 65% on my essay. Please tell me how that works.

RESOLUTION OF THE WEEK: attempt a conversation with my admirable chem professor.
you have no idea how hard it is for me to do.