LETTERS TO NO ONE:

Life is so complicated. I feel alienated sometimes from it. I feel as if the world is moving around me, but I don't want to move with it. It kind of reminds me of physics, which sounds so nerdy, but it's true! I just want to stay put, and everything else is moving.

What makes me happy? What makes me happy is staying in my room and watching movies or writing in my diary, playing piano, walking outside with a nice cool breeze. Those things make me happy. Waking up and knowing that you'll be in the arms of someone you love - that makes me happy. Knowing that every Friday night, all the hustle and bustle of life will be silenced when I come home to my family, even with all their faults. You need to have a solid core - that's what i think. Nothing in life seems worth it without a solid core. That's why lonely people go crazy!

I don't think it's a bad thing to rely on people. I think that when you have this little tower of people relying on each other, it really isn't a bad thing. It shows that you care about each other, and if they go away, it won't be an insignificant event. It'll mean a lot to you. Some people don't have that and I feel sorry for them. You need people - not necessarily a lot, but you need people. Life isn't worth going through alone.

Have you ever had a moment in your life when you feel as if everything is happening to you but nothing is happening to the people around you? It's like you're hyperventilating and the blood is rushing up and down your veins, pumping your heart faster, and your thoughts are scrambled everywhere.... but the thing is, it's not happening to everyone else. They're just going around with their daily lives. I feel like that whenever certain people walk by me. I feel as if I freeze up and I don't know what to do about myself. I feel self-concious, worried, and at the same time, I'm straightening myself up, trying to show them: you're nothing, but I'm not ashamed to admit it: They were something. I'm at war with myself whether to shut them out of my life completely, so that they're unrecognizable, or keep a piece of them b/c they made me what I am today.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson